Mistakes
by LILYandJAMESareCUTE
Summary: When Lily breaks up with James, an 'Angel' comes to offer help. “Why don’t they want me to be happy?” They, my friend? Just them? “Why don’t I want that?” Better then it sounds!


**A/N: For proper A/N, see bottom.**

**Background: Everyone's stressed from N.E.W.T.'s and to try and lighten the load a little, Lily has dumped James. This happened recently, and they're 'friends'. So a little "Guardian Angel" is narrating as we go along. Therefore, this is in the "Angel's" point of view. So read on, I promise it won't be boring!**

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Have you ever had that moment when you know that the right thing to do is one thing, but the thing you want to do is another? Or when someone else tells you to do the 'right' thing, instead of what you want to do?

Lily Evans was having one of those moments right… now.

"Gosh! Why can't they just decide what I should do, then let me do what I want to do without me faking it?!" she cried, dramatically flopping onto the empty couch. That sentence didn't make much sense at all; I'd just like to point that out.

"I am so sick of pretending I don't like him! People telling me the right thing to do is to not like him. They trust that I had reasons to dump him-" pause for twinge of guilt "- And they totally swallowed my story of 'Too much work, couldn't deal with the extra stress/ I'm sorry, it's kind of private.' They swallowed my B.S. story! They were supposed to question it, and then convince me to go back out with him. What did they do instead? They told me that I'd done the right thing, and this, I assure you, was mainly due to my reputation of maturity and responsibility. Well, do you know where I'd like to shove maturity and responsibility? Up my little-" and here Miss Lily is interrupted by trying to smother herself in the cushions.

Right about now she'll get up and start ranting again. WAIT! Let me get my popcorn first! Ok, I'm all comfy, continue with the rant.

"Anyone in their right minds can see I'm totally good with him!" she says, sitting up. I told you she couldn't last long trying to drown in a pillow. I didn't? Oh well, it's the thought that counts. Sorry, I won't interrupt again. Actually, you watch, I will.

"I mean, when I'm around him, it just seems right! Like this morning, when he was trying to steal my bacon and I kept trying to grab his hand just so I could touch his hand." Note the wide hand gestures? That's Lily for you. But see, right here (pause for more popcorn), the main character is in a bad mood, figures she likes the hero, tells her friends she's changed her mind and to go eat toads and goes out with the guy. Simple, but this isn't a story, this is life. According to some person, all our lives are written in a book, but that's just beside the point.

"I just… I just-" she is getting to the hard-to-breathe/frustrated stage. Angry at her friends for believing her, angry at herself for making the mistake, for making the sadness come to his eyes and for wanting to be with him, because she had her reasons, didn't she? Let me tell you, this is not the first of these I've seen and definitely won't be my last- she is not alone. Unfortunate, in my opinion, because I feel for the other poor souls who also get stuck with this problem.

"I mean, seeing my friends, being ok with him! Seeing him apparently ok, it's not gosh-darn working! I tried to make the split clean and quick, like a bandaid. I thought it'd hurt less to break my heart and his if it was quick and I didn't have to see him again! But its not!" obviously, or you wouldn't be talking about this to yourself, you fruitloop.

"In a school this size, you'd think it'd be easy to avoid him. It is so not easy! Everywhere I go, he's there! He's... he's... he is _**stalking**_ me!" Ok, I'm just going to pause this right here. Can you see the crazed expression, her body language- sitting on the edge of the couch, bent down slightly and legs spread- can you see it? Good, now these are all signs of a girl beyond reason. See this and run. Fast.

"I mean, I told him it was over and then this new… 'I'm lonely but I feel happy around you,' this thing, it started happening after we broke up! Beside the point. I did the right thing, didn't I? What were my reasons?" The more she goes over the reasons, the more she forgets them. See, in a story, she'd say that she had forgotten the reasons and realize there was no reason to put them both in this pain. Blah-bloody-blah. It doesn't work like that in the real world. In the real world, she can't just say 'Whoops, I made a mistake, now let us go snog.' Doesn't really work that way right now.

"But my work really was falling behind and I really do need to concentrate more. But was it necessary to totally hack at it until it split a million different ways?" In the bottom, darkest and most selfish corner of her heart she knows the answer is yes. She did need to stop this, she couldn't deal with the pressure, of both her homework and trying to keep him happy, and it was too hard. And that may sound totally selfish, but the truth is that she isn't really even a quarter of the nice person people think she is. People look at Lily Evans and see their perfect Head Girl, not a person. They see a column of strength, not someone about to crumble. And the truth? She always secretly sees _him_ as her column of strength. And she suspects that he sees her on a pedestal like some Greek goddess, no matter how terrible she actually is.

"Well, you know what? I can't take the pressure anymore! I was drowning in it." If that's so, then why the hell are you sitting here, complaining? (Grabs another handful of popcorn.) Now, see, I have far better things to do then listen to sad little girls. (Munches on popcorn.)

"I just… I wish that… you know what?" No, but I bet you'll tell us anyway. "I wish that for just a second, James could see me for the terrible person I really am." Now, that right there makes no sense what-so-ever. Why the heck would you want the guy you like to hate you? (Shoves popcorn in mouth.) I mean, it makes no sense!

"I know, I know, it makes no sense." Wait, I know what you're saying. You don't/ can't know what I'm saying me. That isn't how this works!

"But… he just treats me like… like I'm gorgeous, no matter my flaws." And that right there is such a terrible thing because?

"But why don't my friends want that for me?" Ok, pause right here. See, now she's thinking that her friends are idiots for allowing her to break up with him. But I'd like to point out that it was her that broke his heart. Ok, we can resume. WAIT! (Popcorn break). Continue.

"Why don't they want me to be happy?" They, my friend? Just them? "Why don't _I_ want that?" Finally, the moment of realization! I am rolling my eyes; I hope you can see this.

"But I do want that. I do want to be happy." Well if you didn't, I'd be really concerned for you. More so then I already am, I mean. I need more popcorn.

"So why did I break up with him? Why did I destroy us? Why did I break his heart? Why did I break _my_ heart?" I am now clapping sarcastically; can you hear my hands being sarcastic? Can hands be sarcastic? They can now.

"I never wanted to break up with him. I folded to the pressure. I was trying to reduce the pressure, when in fact I just totally obliterated-" ooh, big word alert! "-my source of strength. What the hell was I thinking?" Finally, she's finally getting the picture.

"I have to see him right now!" Good, I'm glad we had this conversation. Now, I'm off to get some more popcorn because I can see another girl just over there that's about to have a break down too, if you'll just excuse me…

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Uh… Hi? I'm not dead?

Yeah, I know it's been like over a year (no, honestly, it has been over a year since I posted anything. I'm pretty sure.) And I turn up out of the blue with this shit in tow, but hey, you get that.

But I have been pretty busy and stuff. Seriously, TEE is not for the faint hearted.

I started writing this in… March of 2008, when I broke up with my boyfriend. Dumped his arse is more like it (it's ok, I found out later he was more or less cheating on me. Bastard.)

So the first half includes some of my thoughts on the matter, but of course, we didn't get back together and Lily and James did. So I had to change the end a smidgen. Actually, I had to entirely make up the end.

To anyone (mainly girls, but guys listen up too.) if you've just dumped someone and feel terrible, it is okay. Unlike Lily, your life is real, so if you are under too much pressure and a guy is adding to that, don't be an idiot. You can always go back to a relationship, or you will meet someone else that's good for you, but you only get one chance at an education.

But if you've broken up with someone and they do something stupid, it's not your fault either. Just remember that.

Sorry, one of my friends recently dumped his girlfriend and she threatened to kill herself, so it's just on my mind.

(If you ever want to talk about this stuff, you can pm me =] )

I shall try to get something else out within a year, but no promises. I had my last exam for semester one today, so this is going up. And coz Punkprincess145 is nagging at me again. **Again**.

Review please my precious lambkins! It's been too long since I've heard from you all!

xxx LaJaC


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